Love is ...

My boyfriend, Chris, and I were talking recently about the pleasantries that people exchange when they part company. He expressed some discomfort that one person of our mutual acquaintance has taken to saying, "I love you" in such circumstances, though he had know this person for a relatively short amount of time and had spent little if any time with her one-on-one. It's important to note that there is no romantic interest between Chris and this person and other factors make the unlikelihood that they would be come so involved stratospheric.

I've found myself in similar circumstances. Friends whom I've known for a long time and whose company I greatly enjoy, even my stylist (who has become a personal friend), have taken up the habit of attaching an "I love you" to "goodbye". Hearing this proclamation from someone who isn't my inamorata or a member of my immediate family leaves me perplexed, at a loss for words, and unsure about how to respond. Should I just say "I love you" back to placate the person, though I'd feel dishonest? But, I might not love them; at least not in the way that I mean "I love you" when I say it to someone. Should I respond with a sincere, but maybe underwhelming, "Aww! Thank you!", that might hurt their feelings or offend them?

When friends tell me that they love me in the disarming way that I describe above, I believe that they mean that they are fond of me, that they enjoy my company, that they want for me to go on my way safely, and that they are generally concerned for my welfare. By contrast, when I say "I love you" to someone, I mean that they are an important and likely permanent part of my life; that I enjoy their company and palpably feel their absence when we're apart; that I'm concerned about their state of mind, body, and spirit to the point of empathy -- when they are sad, I'm sad, too, not for whatever reason has caused their sadness, but because their sadness itself makes me sad; likewise, I actively delight in their happiness. Furthermore, as Chris pointed out, "[love is not circumstantial]." His point was that events such as a garden-variety disagreement or even divorce don't stop genuine love. When he was married, his in-laws regularly proclaimed that they loved him, but after he divorced, their contempt for him was evident. "[I wouldn't say that they ever really loved me, at least not in the way that I mean it when I say it.]"

I have consciously avoided using the word "gratuitous" in describing the way that some friends use the phrase "I love you". Something so precious, healing, and uplifting could never be applied gratuitously or too liberally. I think that Chris and I just share an opinion of what it means to tell someone that you love them and it is a deep and profound meaning, indeed. :J