I recently found out that an acquaintance, Ruth, took her own life this past Saturday. I'd worked closely with her a few years ago and we kept in touch at professional events, through mutual colleagues, and at estate sales around town. Though I didn't know her extremely well, her death has quite upset me. I just cannot make sense of the timing, much less the reasoning of her taking her own life.
Ruth's star was bright. Still in her 30s, she was attractive, educated, highly-regarded personally and professionally, and making a name for heself in her chosen profession, which she taught part-time at a local college. She had lived all over Europe and had settled down with a loving and uncomplicated man. Ruth stayed busy, but not stressed. She always looked put together, but not contrived. She always had an interesting story to tell, but didn't boast.
Judging from outward appearances, the only thing plaguing Ruth was a neurological condition that caused her to quake as if she'd drunk far too much coffee. I'm not aware if she struggled with depression, chronic pain, or other unapparent demons that are often to blame for driving people to seek a final solution to their problems.
I wish that I knew what was going through Ruth's head when...
- she collected homework from her class last week and promised to have it graded for this week's final class meeting
- she made plans to meet a friend at the dog park on Sunday
- she chatted with a mutual colleague last week about attending a conference together next month
- she kissed her husband goodbye on Saturday morning as he left for an out-of-town errand
Just an acquaintance, Ruth would've made a wonderful and interesting friend. I wish that I'd known her better for my own benefit and, perhaps, for hers. :J
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